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about

July 16th 2016:

I hit some financial troubles after losing my voice for three months and I urgently needed to have something to sell. I released this at short notice and in an emergency, and I called it Thank You because everyone who bought a copy of it helped me out of a severe rough patch.

I like what this is, but it also frustrates me. It isn't quite what the Narcissist Cookbook sounds like in my head. I don't know how much of this record would have ever been released if my circumstances had been different, you know? I'm worried that these tracks don't represent where I'm going with all of this, and that having it online will make it harder, rather than easier, for the things I'm making to find the right audience. Anxiety, anxiety.

I thought about deleting it, but that feels dishonest, and a special kind of self-obsessed, melodramatic defensiveness that I'm still learning to avoid, he says obliviously as he drafts an earnest letter to the world apologising for his art.

I'm not deleting it though, because I'm growing to kind of enjoy feeling like things aren't going according to plan.

Love,
Matt / TNC

facebook.com/thenarcissistcookbook

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released July 7, 2016

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The Narcissist Cookbook Stirling, UK

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Track Name: Literally
There's a graveyard in this building's foundations
I can feel them underneath my bed when I sleep
Every night I dream of chimneysweeps in the walls
Sometimes I hear them knocking

CHEST BEATING LIKE A RAT IN A TIN CAN
CUTICLES CHEWED UP SO BADLY THEY'RE BLEEDING
MEANING THAT AT THIS MOMENT
I AM LITERALLY
LITERALLY
FRAYING AT THE FUCKING ENDS

There's a hellmouth in the flat below mind
Flies have started fucking in the hall by the door
Soon there will be more insects than breathable air
And I'll find legs in my teeth

I HOPE THERE'S A RAFTER IN THIS FLAT THAT CAN SUPPORT 200 POUNDS OF UNCOOKED HOGROAST
I HOPE I SEE MY ENEMIES AGAIN AND SHAKE THEIR HANDS
I HOPE HELL IS AS WARM AS IT HAS BEEN IN MY DREAMS
I HOPE
I HOPE
I HOPE
Track Name: Tell Me I'm Pretty
I've been wondering what you lips taste like
I know that's weird
That's a weird thing to say
Just lately I'l say just about anything
If it'll make someone look at me

I've been wondering where you buried your heart
I know that's strange
Doesn't even make sense

Look me right in the eye
Tell me I'm pretty
Tell me I'm smart
Smarter than you
Smarter than all of you, soon you will see
When they broadcast my message on worldwide TV
I've seized control of the nuclear warheads
One word from me and this planet plays dead
We'll disappear in a puff of estrangement
The slavedrivers go the same way all their slaves went
And all this will end
All this will die

Tell me I'm right
Look me right in the eye
Tell me I'm pretty
Tell me I'm pretty

Somebody look at me
Track Name: Learning To Lie
Shut all the curtains and keep the dark in
Let's get started on all those mistakes
I hear heaven is full
But hell will eat just about anything

Tell that lucky young soldier who died of exposure
Now sipping on goblets of milk and ambrosia
Try telling her that her death needed closure

But don't write me off yet
I'm still learning to lie
I'll pick you up when your battery dies
I'd never survive on my own

I had a dream about the end of the word
The stormclouds were gathering fast
While armies of arseholes built marvelous castles

Now dreams don't mean much
They're just how our brains catalogue data we've gathered
They don't really matter at all
I don't really know why I mentioned it

If money and power were infectious diseases
The cure would be freely distributed
Jesus, you know that you're dead when they withhold your meds
You know that you're dead when they withhold your meds

But don't write me off yet
I'm still learning to lie
I'll pick you up when your batteries die
I'd never survive on my own
Track Name: White Oak Trees
I've been waiting for this holiday to end
Saving postcards for family and friends
Sleeping hard not knowing when I'll sleep again

Keeping secrets from everyone I meet
Keeping time by watching shadows walk the street
There's only first names in the company I keep

But I had a dream last night it seems
I thought it had abandoned me
But here it comes again
And it was you, and me, and white oak trees
And no one else to hear a word we say

We've been talking
Two tin cans on a wire
But the reception leaves a lot to be desired
Makes your voice sound like wet wood on a fire

I will walk across this lonely nation's shell
It goes on forever, then loops back upon itself
When I close my eyes I see you doing well

But I had a dream last night it seems
I thought it had abandoned me
But here it comes again
And it was you, and me, and white oak trees
And no one else to hear a word we say
I hope we'll be together when I wake

I've been waiting on a plane to take me home
Somewhere distant
Long forgotten
Overgrown
I still remember how the old songs used to go
Because I've been singing them to nobody you know

When the sunrise brings me back into yourself
Blinking your eyes in the light
And smiling, oh my beautiful girl
I will be knocking at the entrance to your den
Get your boots on
Come on down
Invite me in


But I had a dream last night it seems
I thought it had abandoned me
But here it comes again
And it was you, and me, and white oak trees
And no one else to hear a word we say
I hope we'll be together when I wake